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just when you think you're safe, life comes around and pulls the floor out from under you. i can either gloss over self description, or i can go on and on about the tiniest detail. that's the way i am... i'm an analyzer... i should probably be a shrink, constantly picking apart people's motivations and such. nothing with me is ever simple, at least not inside my brain... sure, i probably seem rather even-keeled... inside, tho, i'm probably tearing things apart *l*. people tell me that's not so good, but i'm not about to change... i just hide it better.

i just recently moved. again... ya know, you live in the same place for almost nineteen years, and then it all goes to shit. i've moved three times in the past two years, and that's not counting random homelessness and crashing at people's houses and in the car... suddenly i don't know where any of my stuff is stored *l*. so now i'm in a new state, away from my friends, everyone who made up my Home... down here isn't all that homey yet, tho it's where my 'rents are...

i'm just not all that good at making friends... it all boils down to me not liking people all that much... it's not that they scare me, exactly... well, maybe girls scare me... but people in general just bewilder me... especially the ones who seem to have it together... they're scary, cause eventhough they may be faking, they've still got it figured out better than i do...

i'm one of those people who falls in love too easily... maybe it's cause i'm a scorpio, something like that... i fall so easily, and then i deny it to myself... i'm all about controlling what i think and feel, and since it's usually not anything all that convenient, i squash it... sometimes i get tired of it, when particular people ask about me, about what i want... and i really don't know... it's got something to do with love, tho... i just want someone to care about me, and not let me down, and for that they get my undying devotion... seriously. i'll do anything for the people i care about, and all i ask is the same in return. i guess that's my mistake... i get too caught up in these lofty ideals, and left and right i'm missing out. i hope too much... i dream too much... but it's so easy...

but what does any of this have to do with anything? not much, i'll admit... i don't know, i think we're all just floating... hoping and wondering... and i wish it could be easier every day... i wish people could love back, i wish nobody worried about right and wrong... and then i pretend like nothing ever happened, and life goes on.

story of my life

i'm also melodramatic, as if you couldn't tell *l*

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